Effective Date: 7-01-15
As a result of the sheer amount of money hungry, lazy bit@hes out there who love to bring baseless litigation against upstanding, honest corporations such as mine, my lawyers and I thought it would be best if we addressed some legal issues up front.
It is highly advisable that you carefully read this agreement before you use the Whipped & Beaten site. By using Whipped & Beaten Services, you agree to be bound by everything in these Terms. If you don’t agree to the Terms, then get the hell off my site, bit@h.
This is a contract (“Terms”) between you (“you” or “user”) and Whipped & Beaten Culinary Works, Inc. (“Whipped & Beaten,” “we,” or “us”), applicable when you use our sites, services, mobile applications, products, and content provided by Whipped & Beaten, globally, in existence now or in the future (“Services” or “Whipped & Beaten Services”).
Before I tell your bit@h-ass the Terms of Service, I wanted to get a few, less pressing things out of the damn way:
Let it be known: If, in the course of reading my books or testing out any of the recipes on my site, you, in any way suffer physical, emotional or any other type of injury known or not known to the human race, Whipped & Beaten Culinary Works, Inc. and the books’ author assume no liability.
If you in any way utilize my books and spices for purposes they were not intended such as:
- trying to have sex with them
- deciding to shove them up your spouse’s, partner’s or anyone else’s ass
- utilizing any of the pages to clean up bodily excrement,
Whipped & Beaten Culinary Works, Inc. and the books’ author again, assume no liability. No liability at all. I mean it. Seriously. None.
If you attempt a recipe and screw it up, IT IS ALL YOUR DAMN FAULT. This includes but is not limited to:
- buying spoiled food;
- under- or over-cooking any product mentioned;
- incurring any injury in the process of reading about, preparing or consuming the meals. Including, but not limited to:
- burns incurred during preparation
- lacerations incurred while preparing the food
- burns incurred from your spouse, partner or pet spreading hot, prepared food on your body or vice versa
- lacerations incurred while stabbing someone or getting stabbed on or near the book or while viewing my website
- suffering a heart attack while having sex on or near the book or near your computer when my website is viewable in the background
- incurring a paper cut while turning the pages or incurring an electric shock from your computer while my site is viewable.
In short, you are on your own. If you choose to continue reading this website and subsequently to try a free recipe, do so AT YOUR OWN DAMN RISK!
Also, don’t you dare let me catch you using any part of this website or the books without the express written consent of the publisher, the author, or Whipped & Beaten Culinary Works, Inc. As all material is protected by copyright laws, you will be severely punished by the full extent of the law… and by me. And let me tell you, bitch. You certainly don’t want that. Believe me.
Ok.. now for the really important legal stuff damnit.
Again, it is highly advisable that you carefully read this agreement before you use the Whipped & Beaten site. By using Whipped & Beaten Services, you agree to be bound by everything in these Terms. If you don’t agree to the Terms, then get the hell off my site, bit@h.
These terms are a binding agreement.
No children please
Whipped & Beaten is only for people 13 years old and over. If you’re under 13, we’re sorry, but you’re not allowed here. If we learn a child under 13 is using Whipped & Beaten we will terminate the child’s account.
You own the rights to the content you post on the Whipped & Beaten site. We don’t claim ownership over any of the crap you post. However, by posting or transferring content to Whipped & Beaten, you give us permission (you give us a nonexclusive, royalty-free license) to use your content solely to do the things we need to do to provide Whipped & Beaten Services, including, without limitation, hosting, encoding, storing, adapting, displaying, reproducing, and distributing your content. This may include promoting your content with partner companies or services for broader broadcast, distribution, or publication.
We will never sell your content to third parties without your explicit permission, so calm the hell down, bit@h.
By publishing on Whipped & Beaten, you agree to allow others to view your content. Got it?
We don’t pre-screen user content, but we have the right (though no obligation) to refuse or remove any content you post or transfer to Whipped & Beaten Services for any reason. Any GD reason at all.
You are free to delete your content from Whipped & Beaten at any time, though there may be a delay in removing it from public view due to operational requirements. We retain, but do not publicly display, backup copies of your deleted content on our servers for 30 days after you delete your account. If you delete your account or content, it may be permanently unrecoverable.
You are solely responsible for the content you submit to Whipped & Beaten and assume all risks associated with it, including anyone else’s reliance on its accuracy, or claims relating to intellectual property or other legal rights. Do not post content that is misleading, libelous, threatening, in violation of the rights of others (including copyright, trademark) , or unlawful. By posting, you represent that you own or have the necessary rights to post the content on Whipped & Beaten, and that doing so doesn’t conflict with any other licenses you’ve granted. So, in short, only post your own GD crap.
In no event shall Whipped & Beaten, its directors, officers, managers, employees, agents, licensors or third party site providers be liable for any content you post or exchange on its site.
Aside: We get a lot of questions about whether you can post content you own on Whipped & Beaten if you’ve already posted it elsewhere, like on your blog. The answer is yes. If you own the content, you’re welcome to copy it from other places and publish it on Whipped & Beaten (and vice versa) as long as you didn’t give exclusive rights to other platforms or publishers.
The look and feel of the Whipped & Beaten site, information, material and content on the Whipped & Beaten site that makes up the site, illustrations, designs, trademarks, Bit@hes! and Get In The Kitchen Bit@hes! trademarks, logos, software, software codes, source codes and other content (“Site Content”) is protected by copyright, all rights reserved, trademark and other intellectual property rights. All such Site Content and compilation of is the exclusive property of Whipped & Beaten or the third party accredited as the owner or provider of the content. You may not duplicate, copy, modify, distribute, publish, or reuse any portion of the Site Content in any manner, or distribute or otherwise use it for public or commercial purpose without express written permission from Whipped & Beaten. Feel free to share our content on social media, but don’t you dare use any of it as your own, or we will be forced to bring a curse upon your house. And absolutely do not use Site Content to infringe our copyright, trademark or other intellectual property rights or that of our licensors. And absolutely do not use Site Content to defame, disparage or discredit Whipped & Beaten or its licensors or users, or in any way that is threatening, abusive or damages our reputation.
The trademarks, the Bit@hes! and Get In The Kitchen Bit@hes! trademarks, service marks, brands, names, logos and designs (collectively the “Trademarks”) of Whipped & Beaten or others displayed on the site or in connection with Whipped & Beaten Services are the property of Whipped & Beaten or their respective owners. You may not use any Trademarks displayed on the site or in connection with Whipped & Beaten Services without the express prior written permission of Whipped & Beaten or the respective owner, and nothing contained on this site grants by implication, waiver, estoppel or otherwise, any right to use such Trademarks.
We may modify these Terms at any time
We know best and we are smarter than you so we can change these Terms at any time we damn well please. If the changes are material, we’ll let you know by email or posting a notice on the site before the changes go into effect. The notice will designate a reasonable amount of time (the “Notice Period”) after which the new terms will go into effect for all users. If you don’t agree to the new terms, please delete your account within the Notice Period and get the hell off our site. If you do not delete your account within the Notice Period, your content and use of the site will be subject to the new terms going forward.
We may modify our Services at any time
We do our best to provide you a reliable and evolving Service, but we may change, terminate, or restrict access to any aspect of our Services, at any time, without notice.
Security and General Use
We take security very seriously. As such, you are prohibited from interfering in any way with our Services. You may not destroy or degrade the performance of our products and Services. You may not damage or disable the site by introducing viruses, worms, malware or other technologically harmful, corrupted data or malicious software to the site or server. You may not take any action to circumvent the security and access control provisions of the site. You may not log into another user’s account, misuse passwords, access another user’s data or personally identifiable information, or violate the privacy and integrity of user accounts and data. You may not access the site’s server or any server, computer or database connected to the site. You may not modify, decipher, disassemble, or reverse engineer any of the software comprising of or in any way making up the site.
We reserve the right, in our sole discretion, to immediately revoke your account and/or seek all other legal remedies available if We becomes aware of any of the foregoing activities. Whipped & Beaten may investigate and when appropriate, may work with law enforcement authorities in such investigations to prosecute offenders. To report a security vulnerability, please email us at email@example.com.
Third-party account use for sign-ins/Links to other sites
Because Whipped & Beaten is shared space, and we want many different ideas, no matter how dumb they may be, to thrive, we need to have a few ground rules. There aren’t many. In fact, they can pretty much all be summed up thusly: Don’t piss in the GD pool, bit@h (metaphorically speaking, of course).
Here’s an illustrative list of our rules below. Failure to comply with them may result in us taking action such as removing content, or suspending or deleting your account.
- Don’t bully, harass, stalk or otherwise subject another user of the site to unwanted and/or inappropriate conduct.
- Don’t post anything relating to minors that is inappropriately sexual or violent.
- Don’t solicit passwords or personally identifying information from other users.
- Don’t post personally identifiable information (including without limitation, name, address, email address, phone number) about another user or any other individual without their express prior written consent.
- Don’t change, revise and/or delete another user’s content without the express written authorization of such other user.
- Don’t impersonate any Whipped & Beaten personnel or any other user, or impersonate someone else in a deceptive way.
- Don’t use the site to advertise, sell or promote any of your products or services or those of any third party other than as may be expressly permitted herein.
- Don’t use the site to violate any applicable law or regulation, including without limitation, copyright, trademark, trade secret or other intellectual property rights of other users, persons or entities in any way, or violate the privacy or publicity rights of any other user or person.
- Don’t spam. Don’t use deceptive tags or links or otherwise mislead other users about what you’ve posted. Don’t embed malicious code in your posts. Don’t use deceptive means to generate revenue or traffic, or create posts with the primary purpose of affiliate marketing.
- Don’t take any action that exposes the site to any computer virus or any other program or code intended to disrupt or disable operation of the site and/or our Services.
Whipped & Beaten may discontinue your access to the site without notice or liability, or suspend or terminate your account/membership for any violation of these Terms, or any violating or illegal use of the Services or site that we, at our sole discretion, deem improper.
DMCA copyright policy
Whipped & Beaten respects the copyright interests of others. However, user content and third party content is not within our control and we do not assume any obligation to monitor or scan user content or third-party content. Whipped & Beaten deals with copyright infringement on Whipped & Beaten’s site in accordance with the Digital Millennium Copyright Act. We have a policy of terminating repeat copyright infringers in appropriate circumstances.
If you or anyone believe that copyrighted work has been uploaded, posted or copied to the our site and is accessible on it in a way that constitutes copyright infringement, please notify and provide the following information, in writing, to our Copyright Agent, designated as such pursuant to the Digital Millennium Copyright Act, 17 U.S.C. §512(c)(2), named below:
- your address, telephone number and email address;
- a description of the copyrighted work claimed to have been infringed, or if multiple copyrighted works are covered by a single notification, a representative list of such works;
- a statement that you have a good faith belief that the disputed use is not authorized by the copyright owner, its agent or the law;
- an electronic or physical signature of the person authorized to act on behalf of the owner of the copyright interest; and
- a statement by you, made under penalty of perjury, that the above information in the DMCA Notice is accurate and you are the copyright owner or authorized to act on the copyright owner’s behalf.
The contact information for Whipped & Beaten’s Designated Agent for receipt of notices of claimed infringement is here: Whipped & Beaten Culinary Works, Attn: Copyright Agent, 3712 N. Broadway, Suite 630, Chicago IL, 60613 or alternatively write to us with “Attn. Copyright Agent in the subject line to firstname.lastname@example.org
Become a MegaBit@h (Premium Membership)
Why be a basic bit@h when you can become a MegaBit@h? By doing so, you pay a subscription fee to access premium content on our site. Information about the duration for such subscription services and other important information (fees, additional terms) will be provided when you subscribe.
We reserve the right to begin charging fees for any free or new services. We reserve the right to change fees and add new fees/charges at any time. Such changes will not apply to fees/charges paid prior to the time of the change.
Listen, I know there is a lot here, but suck it the hell up. It’s not our fault we had to write all this crap. Again, it’s because of money hungry bit@hes like yourselves who enjoy squeezing every ounce of money they didn’t earn from honest, upstanding corporations like mine. So make sure you continue to read the next section because it’s GD important.
Miscellaneous lawyerly provisions (please read these carefully)
- DISCLAIMER. YOU USE THE WHIPPED & BEATEN SERVICES AT YOUR OWN RISK. THE SITE AND SERVICES ARE PROVIDED ON AN “AS IS” AND “AS AVAILABLE” BASIS, “WITH ALL FAULTS,” AND WITHOUT WARRANTY OF ANY KIND, EITHER EXPRESS OR IMPLIED.
- DISCLAIMER OF WARRANTIES. WHIPPED & BEATEN AND ITS OFFICERS, DIRECTORS, EMPLOYEES, PARTNERS, SUCCESSORS, AGENTS AND AFFILIATES MAKE NO REPRESENTATIONS OR WARRANTIES OF ANY KIND WITH RESPECT TO WHIPPED & BEATEN SERVICES. FOR EXAMPLE AND WITHOUT LIMITING THE FOREGOING, WE DO NOT WARRANT THAT (1) THE SERVICES WILL MEET YOUR SPECIFIC REQUIREMENTS, (2) THE SERVICES WILL BE UNINTERRUPTED, TIMELY, ABSOLUTELY SECURE, OR ERROR-FREE, (3) THE QUALITY OF ANY PRODUCTS, SERVICES, INFORMATION, OR OTHER MATERIAL PURCHASED OR OBTAINED BY YOU THROUGH THE SITE WILL MEET YOUR EXPECTATIONS, OR (4) THE RESULTS THAT MAY BE OBTAINED FROM USE OF THE SITE OR OUR SERVICES WILL BE ACCURATE OR RELIABLE, (5) THE SITE CONTENT WILL BE ACCURATE, USEFUL OR SECURE, (6) ANY ERRORS IN THE WHIPPED & BEATEN SERVICES WILL BE CORRECTED, (7) THE SITE OR THE SERVER THAT MAKES IT AVAILABLE IS FREE OF VIRUSES OR OTHER HARMFUL COMPONENTS.
- LIMITATION OF LIABILITY. YOU UNDERSTAND AND EXPRESSLY AGREE THAT WHIPPED & BEATEN AND ANY OF ITS DIRECTORS, OFFICERS, MANAGERS, EMPLOYEES, PARTNERS, AGENTS, LICENSORS, SUCCESSORS, THIRD PARTY PROVIDERS OR AFFILIATES SHALL NOT BE LIABLE UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES FOR ANY DIRECT, INDIRECT, INCIDENTAL, SPECIAL, CONSEQUENTIAL, ECONOMIC, PUNITIVE OR EXEMPLARY DAMAGES, INCLUDING, BUT NOT LIMITED TO, DAMAGES FOR LOSS OF PROFITS, GOODWILL, USE, DATA OR OTHER INTANGIBLE LOSSES (EVEN IF WHIPPED & BEATEN HAS BEEN ADVISED OF THE POSSIBILITY OF SUCH DAMAGES), UNDER ANY CONTRACT, NEGLIGENCE, STICT LIABILITY, TORT OR OTHER THEORY RESULTING FROM OR RELATING TO: (1) THE USE OR THE INABILITY TO USE THE SERVICES; (2) THE RESULTS OF YOUR USE OF THE SITE AND/OR ITS SERVICES; (3) THE COST OF PROCUREMENT OF SUBSTITUTE GOODS AND SERVICES RESULTING FROM ANY GOODS, DATA, INFORMATION OR SERVICES PURCHASED OR OBTAINED OR MESSAGES RECEIVED OR TRANSACTIONS ENTERED INTO THROUGH OR FROM THE SERVICES; (4) UNAUTHORIZED ACCESS TO OR ALTERATION OF YOUR TRANSMISSIONS OR DATA; (5) STATEMENTS OR CONDUCT OF ANY THIRD PARTY ON THE SERVICES; (6) OR ANY OTHER MATTER RELATING TO THE WHIPPED & BEATEN SERVICES THE SITE, THESE TERMS OR APPLICABLE ADDITIONAL TERMS.
YOUR SOLE REMEDY FOR DISSATISFACTION WITH THE SITE, INCLUDING WITHOUT LIMITATION, THE SITE CONTENT IS TO STOP USING THE SITE. SUCH LIMITATION SHALL ALSO APPLY WITH RESPECT TO DAMAGES INCURRED BY REASON OF SERVICES, PRODUCTS, INFORMATION OR ADVICE RECEIVED THROUGH OR ADVERTISED IN CONNECTION WITH THE SITE OR ANY LINKS ON THE SITE. SUCH LIMITATION SHALL ALSO APPLY WITH RESPECT TO DAMAGES INCURRED BY REASON OF ANY USER CONTENT OR CONTENT POSTED BY A THIRD-PARTY, OR THE CONDUCT OF A USER OR THIRD-PARTY ON THE SITE.
- YOU AGREE TO DEFEND, INDEMNIFY AND HOLD HARMLESS WHIPPED & BEATEN AND ITS AFFILIATES, REPRESENTATIVES, PARENTS, SUBSIDIARIES, PARTNERS AND THEIR RESPECTIVE DIRECTORS, OFFICERS, MANAGERS, EMPLOYEES, AGENTS, SUCCESSOR, THIRD PARTY PROVIDERS AND AFFILIATES FROM AND AGAINST ANY AND ALL LIABILITIES, LOSS, CLAIMS, DEMANDS, COSTS AND EXPENSES, INCLUDING ATTORNEYS’ FEES AND COSTS, MADE BY ANY THIRD PARTY ARISING OUT OF OR IN CONNECTION WITH YOUR USE OF THE SITE AND/OR SERVICES OR BREACH/VIOLATION OF THESE TERMS AND APPLICABLE ADDITIONAL TERMS.
We’d love to hear your questions, concerns, and feedback about this policy or our site. If you have any suggestions for us, feel free to let us know at email@example.com. We probably will just laugh at them and delete the email, unless it’s something groundbreaking. Just saying.
Now, Get Back In the Damn Kitchen, Bitches!